Stargate: Evangelion
by Andrew Joshua Talon
Summary: Chapter Five: "Bathing is like the washing machine of life" -Misato Katsuragi
1. Prologue

**Okay... Here's a heavily modified chapter, due to some valid criticisms in one of my reviews. Thank you for pointing that stuff out to me (you know who you are). And don't worry... I think you'll enjoy this fic as it progresses.**

**Anyway, standard stuff applies. Me no own, so you no sue. Thanks.**

* * *

The System Lord Baal smirked, from the bridge of his fearsome flagship. His Prime Jaffa, a tall dark man with his crest adorning his forehead, turned, urgency in his voice.

"My lord, the enemy fleet has broken through our primary defensive lines."

Baal leaned back in his chair, smirking. He would, indeed, regret having to sacrifice such large numbers of his own troops and ships to accomplish his objective. If the plan failed, the Goa'uld as a whole would now be at the mercy of the cursed Tau'ri and their allies: The treacherous Jaffa, those vile Tok'ra, and the vermin Tollan. Their dominion over this galaxy would end and his race would doubtlessly be exterminated, a lost memory in the ceaseless movements of the stars.

But... The risk was worth it.

"Signal the reserves... Prepare the operation. Ready the device," Baal ordered, leaning forward in his chair, a gleam in his eyes. This would be it. He would at last accomplish what no System Lord had done before... And he would rule the Universe.

It was only proper.

He was a God, after all...

**

* * *

"Damage report!" The Second Lieutenant at the Operations console next to General Hammond's command chair grimaced, the smell of burning circuits filling the room.**

"Secondary missile batteries are inoperable. Shields at 50. Minor casualties in the hanger bay from that Glider hit." The aging US Air Force general sighed, running a hand over his bare head. He looked to the plasma situation screen to port, below which a number of medics were treating some battered and bruised crewmen. The images of several blue icons, denoting allied ships, moved towards a CGI render of a planet, while a number of red opposing forces units moved to close in on their icons.

"General Hammond to _Kel Nor Rel_, do you copy, over?" The screen shifted to an image of a white-bearded Jaffa, a grey helm framing his face.

"We receive you, Hammond of Texas," Master Bre'tac responded, looking almost cheerful, even as his own crew worked behind him on a damaged control center.

"Looks like the reserve units of Baal fleet are moving to intercept." Master Bre'tac nodded, smiling grimly.

"We see them. Shall I deal with them, fleet commander?" General Hammond had often been mystified by the 130-year old warrior's hearty attitude for battle. It made him either want to rub his head in exasperation or laugh out loud. He settled for a smirk.

"Not yet... Take your wing forward and punch through the orbital defenses. The rest of us will deal with Baal's reinforcements. However, when they close the range, come about and hit them from their flank." Master Bre'tac's smile became a full-fledged evil grin.

"Understood. Bre'tac out." Hammond allowed an evil smile of his own to form on his weathered face.

"Lieutenant? Signal our wing and the _Enerina's_-We're going to break their backs..."

The Allied fleet assaulting Baal's capital world was the fruitation of a long-held dream of the freedom fighters of the galaxy against the Goa'uld. Captured _Ha'tak_-class motherships, under the control of Free Jaffa, Tokra, and Tau'ri forces. The _Prometheus, _Earth's first capital ship and among the strongest starships in the galaxy. _New Tollan_ cruisers. _Rel'nak_-class heavy mothership s shared by all the partners in the Alliance. And hundreds of fighters, attack bombers, and other small craft. All with one goal in mind-To end the tyranny of the Goa'uld once and for all.

Baal had taken control of the majority of the System Lord's holdings in the months following Anubis's defeat at Earth. He had united their combined resources into a single, concentrated effort-To destroy the Tau'ri. The race that had launched the rebellion against them, the only race that had proven the potential to defeat them. With his first strike weapon he'd boasted about to every world in his domain, he'd caused the disaster known as Second Impact on Earth. This was to be the first blow in the final campaign to eliminate the Tau'ri and their allies, and Baal had amassed every ship and combat unit available to him at the same world his super weapon was based upon.

Knowing this, the Allies decided that this was the chance they'd been waiting for for so long. Catch the largest assembly of firepower in Goa'uld history completely by surprise. Destroy their military. And finally, establish freedom throughout the galaxy.

With this hope in mind, the largest space fleet in the history of the free peoples of the Milky Way Galaxy advanced upon Baal's capital world. To greet them, a vast array of Goa'uld motherships and other war vessels massed. The two titanic fleet's clash would be remembered for a thousand years, no matter the outcome.

Unless it suddenly stopped for no reason… But why would it do that?

**

* * *

The Jaffa guarding their God's throne room aboard His flagship were among the best of their race of warriors. Alert, agile, tough. They scanned the dark corridors for any intruders as dutifully as gargoyles defending a church.**

A falling body's impact reached their ears, and both turned. Cautiously, they approached the source of the mishap. They found a brother Jaffa lying facedown on the deck, unconscious. One made to alert his master in the control room-

He shuddered and fell over, electricity running up and down his body. His comrade met the same fate, spasming at the blast. A certain black operations general blew imaginary smoke from the head of his _nat'nik'tel_.

"They never learn, do they?"

"Indeed, O'Neill." Next to him stood an imposing Jaffa, wearing the distinctive green and black BDUs of the infamous (to the Goa'uld, anyway) Stargate Command. Brigadier General Jack O'Neill smirked, heading forward.

Around the other corner, a blonde woman and a youngish-looking man with brown hair and glasses met them. The seasoned team looked at each other.

"... We got here first, sir," the blonde said with a small smile. "We win."

"We took care of the guards!" The general protested. The glasses-wearing man smirked.

"We took care of the alarms."

"We blew up the alarms!"

"After we turned them off." Jack turned to Teal'c, a pleading look in his eyes. The Jaffa shook his head with his distinctive smile.

"... Fine. Dinner's on me... Now, can we bust this guy's head open and go already? I don't know about you, but being aboard the number one target of our entire fleet's weapons fire doesn't exactly sit well with me," Jack noted. Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter blinked.

"Sir, Baal's flagship isn't the primary target. The weapon is." Dr. Daniel Jackson nodded.

"Yeah... I mean, we're just supposed to screw up Baal's fleet action so that General Hammond can destroy the reason we're here." Jack shrugged, sighing dramatically.

"Yeah, but we're the flagship team, remember? Why can't we destroy the weapon?"

"Well yeah... But... Oh come on. How many times have we saved the galaxy?"

"... Hm... I think I lost count..."

"At least three times in my memory, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c interjected. Daniel nodded.

"Yeah... The least we can do is let General Hammond have a chance. To, you know... Save the Galaxy." Jack rolled his eyes, and let out an exaggerated breath.

"Oh all right... But, next chance we get to save the galaxy... Dibs." Carter smiled.

"No problem, sir..." With that, SG-1 walked into the control room of Baal's, ready to knock off one more sentient parasitic snake with delusions of divinity.

Once they got in, they stopped... And blinked. Daniel cleaned his glasses, Carter's mouth dropped open, Jack's eyes went wide, and Teal'c raised an eyebrow.

Baal, the System Lord, sat there, with a small cat in his lap, that he was stroking as he looked upon SG-1 with a sinister smile.

"Hello, SG-1... Welcome to my ship. I trust your trip here was... Pleasant?" Baal held his out-stretched pinky to the side of his mouth. SG-1, as one, looked at each other.

"... Uh..."

Baal's sinister smile grew.

"Yes, yes... I have been studying some of your... Entertainment. Quite interesting, really. This 'Dr. Evil' is particularly fascinating... A despot of unimaginable ruthlessness. I must admit, even I never thought of creating chairs that dump heretics into furnaces at the push of a button. A most ingenious idea. Be assured, once your world is conquered I will have this Dr. Evil in my employ." SG-1 collectively blinked.

"... Yeah... Um..." Baal snapped his fingers, and a Goa'uld force field shot up all around the still-stupefied team. The false god laughed merrily, his cat yawning boredly in his lap.

"Yes, yes I have been expecting you! I've been expecting your entire fleet for some time, as a matter of fact. Ever since that disaster on your homeworld you call Second Impact."

"... Which you weren't responsible for!" Carter gasped. "This was-"

"Correct! All a trap!" Baal smirked evilly. "Even as we speak, my troops are preparing to activate the time dilation device I built from Anubis's files. Your entire fleet will be trapped in time... You'll get to watch me completely annihilate it, before I take you with me to watch the destruction of your world." Baal turned back on SG-1 and his smirk became an all-out leer.

"I have always wanted a 'captive audience' at my beck and call." Baal began to cackle evilly, looking expectantly at the Jaffa at his sides. The Jaffa, smothering exasperated sighs, joined their fearsome deity in evil laughter, while SG-1 stared blankly.

"... Well... I think I can leave this particular experience out of my memoirs," Daniel noted dryly.

"No kidding..." Jack agreed.

Baal turned and continued cackling, his Jaffa sighing under their collective breath at having to put up with this for their god. The display screen before them showed the Allied fleet and Baal's fleet engaging each other at point-blank range.

Tau'ri F-302 fighters blew through Death Gliders, their ability to make micro-hyperspace jumps granting them a clear advantage over their Goa'uld opponents. The Allied Death Gliders worked extremely well together, vanquishing enemy squadrons in furious hails of concentrated fire. _Alkesh_-class attack bombers of both sides engaged each other viciously, tearing into each other with energy bombs and staff cannon fire, though here, too, the Allies showed their greater training and more motivated personnel. The _Prometheus_ pounded the Goa'uld ships from long range with her advanced, Asgard-based weapons and home-built missiles, while allied _Ha'taks _and _Rel'naks _provided fire support. The few _Tollan_ cruisers were cutting through enemy Ha'taks one by one with ease, their small size and superior technology allowing them to strike like small daggers, inflicting grievous destruction upon their foes.

The only real advantage Baal's fleet had was numbers, and this was obviously not going to be a factor for long.

"Activate the-"

A small burst of automatic weapons fire drew Baal's attention from the battle to SG-1. A no longer captive SG-1, the forcefield generators above them destroyed by weapons fire. His Jaffa fell around him, until the four infamous warriors from Earth surrounded him, their weapons up and ready to end his life. Baal grinned anyway.

"It's too late anyway, foolish Tau'ri! The device is on a timer! Your fleet is doomed, doomed! As is your world-" Jack cut him off with a burst of machine gun fire, and the would-be destroyer of Earth fell to the deck, silent. His cat meowed pitifully and hid under it's master's throne, as SG-1 raced to the control board in front of them.

"Can you shut it down?" Jack asked his 2IC. Carter grimaced, typing frantically at the Goa'uld computer.

"I'm trying sir! It looks like it's a nearly-completely manual control system!"

"Manual, as in...?"

"A mechanical control device, O'Neill, that is not triggered by computer," Teal'c interjected. "Though crude, it ensures that a timed device will go off without electronic interference."

"Where is it?" Jack demanded. Daniel and Carter looked frantically through the lines of computer data streaming in front of them, before the blonde nodded in confirmation.

"The hanger bay, ten levels below us." The general nodded, hefting his weapon as he ran for the door. The rest of his team followed.

"How long?"

"One minute, sir!"

"GO GO GO GO GO!"

They rushed to a lift, willing the doors to close and the vehicle to move. And move it did... Slowly...

"Time?"

"Forty-five seconds!"

The team finally reached the indicated deck, and ran as though possessed by wind demons, following Carter as she headed for the device. They came upon it-Tall, imposing, and colored gold. Carter rushed to a side panel, while the other team members began looking about the device.

"Carter?"

"Hold on sir..." Carter's fingers were flying over the control board. O'Neill looked over at Daniel, who gulped.

"Thirty seconds..." Only a rhythmic bong... bong... bong filled the chamber, as Carter's hands flew over the controls.

"Carter?"

"I know, sir, I know..."

"Fifteen seconds!"

"Carter!"

"Almost... There..."

"Ten," warned Daniel. "Nine... Eight... Seven... Six..."

"CARTER!"

"SIR!"

"Five... Four... Three... Two...-"

"HANG ON!" Carter slammed a large button, just as a green light exploded on the side of the device... And everything stopped.

The Death Gliders and F-302s, engaged in pitched combat, froze in mid-flight. The capital ships, all of them, paused and stayed that way. The planet below stopped rotating, children frozen in play, women stuck on the last piece of laundry, slaves holding up plates, Jaffa in mid-march, Goa'uld trapped in their luxurious surroundings.

Everything around Baal's capital world, quite simply, suspended it's motion.

Aboard Baal's flagship, Jack O'Neill's face stared at his 21C, concern and anger and frustration and love a still painting in his eyes. Carter had her lower lip bit, hoping against hope. Daniel was near her, the same potent mixture of emotion as in Jack's eyes also directed towards the blonde astrophysicist. And Teal'c stood salient, a look of acceptance and pride in his gaze as he surveyed his teammates, his friends...

And thus they stayed... For ten revolutions of Earth around it's sun...

_BEGIN STARGATE: EVANGELION_


	2. Chapter One

**Look out! It's chapter 2! Run away!**

**... Actually, please don't. I need the reviews. Thanks.**

* * *

Gendo Ikari looked upon the reports scattered over his desk with an unreadable expression. But then, his expression was always just that: Unreadable, reflected Sub-Commander Kozou Fuyutsuki. He stood at his former student's right side, at all times, the proper second-in-command. And this afforded him to look over the same reports. A strange, triangular symbol without a base rested over a thin, "V"-shaped symbol. Over this were inscribed the letters _SGC._ And underneath all this was a perfect circle. At the other side of the table, Dr. Ritsuko Akagi looked over the files with a disbelieving sneer.

"... You really believe all this nonsense?" Ritsuko asked, shaking her head. "Sounds like some fool-hippie conspiracy theorist's bad LSD trip..."

"..." Gendo made no reply, still diligently reading the files. His second-in-command followed his example. The younger woman grimaced.

"I've heard of this 'Dr' Daniel Jackson... He's a fraud, a laughingstock. Made up this idiotic theory about aliens building the pyramids... Not to mention that he's been _gone_ ever since Second Impact! What would SEELE think of you, perusing this kind of crap?"

"... It's not crap." Fuyutsuki said quietly. Akagi blinked.

"... Wha?" Gendo leaned back in his chair, his hands knit in front of his face. Fuyutsuki continued.

"... Yui and Naoko... They performed internships with the Stargate Program, Pre-Impact." Fuyutsuki looked up at the gaping faux-blonde. "I, too, went there. They needed an expert in biology... To study something they found... On the other side of the Gate." Ritsuko resembled a fish at this moment, her jaw struggling to close but dropping once it touched the skull.

"... They... They did?"

"I saw it myself... It's a huge, ring-shaped device, about four meters in diameter. It has an inner rotating ring with symbols on it and seven locks to set in the symbols." Fuyutsuki smiled slightly, recalling the experience. "I saw it open... A pool of water, rippling in mid-air... A gateway to another world..." The old man's smile grew, and looked directly at Ritsuko.

"The Stargate was... Is... Complete fact." Ritsuko gaped again, before shaking her head. She sucked in a breath and composed herself, before looking over at her lover.

"... This... It's all true?" Gendo looked at her and gave a slight nod. Ritsuko blinked, leaning back in her chair.

"... Then... The whole project... The Evas... Everything... It's for nothing? The Scrolls lied?" Gendo's penetrating gaze locked into her, and she found herself, like so many times before, enraptured by it.

"... The project is not for nothing. Second Impact is more than enough proof of this. The Evangelion technology is more than enough proof. Third Impact can and will occur..."

"But... But, this... Human evolution has continued... It can continue... The Stargate means that we-" Gendo looked up at Ritsuko, his gaze hard. The faux-blonde shut up.

"It means... That the project will continue. The Stargate cannot stop the scenario. All it means is that we must keep it from the old men, and anyone else. The scenario will proceed as planned... I know all about the Stargate program. I have spent the better part of a decade keeping it from the old men. And they will never find out about it." Gendo turned away in his chair, staring out into the bridge of NERV. "You are dismissed, Doctor."

Ritsuko opened her mouth to speak... Before shutting it, gritting her teeth behind her lips. She turned and stormed out, the door closing roughly behind her.

"... You're not letting it go."

"No."

"... Do you have any idea-" Fuyutsuki began, before Gendo raised his hand.

"You are dismissed, Sub-Commander." Fuyutsuki stood for a second, before noding stiffly and saluting.

"Yes sir." He then turned and left the bleak office as well, leaving Gendo alone.

"..." Gendo looked back over the data. He looked at the great gray ring... A ring that could let humanity expand out into the universe... Into new worlds, new environments... New paths of evolution.

It could prevent Third Impact. It could (and had) changed the course of history.

Unfortunately, the scenarios he had run before the doctor had even come in indicated that, as long as the Stargate program remained as it was... SEELE would find out. The Human Instrumentality Project would probably not be affected-The old men were greedy. They wished to become gods, to direct the next stage of human evolution and make themselves immortal, invincible...

If anyone else were to find out... If even the tiniest leak occurred...

"... Yui," he murmured, looking out over the Geofront.

The Scrolls had never mentioned a Stargate. What they _had_ said was that human evolution had ceased on _this_ planet. There was the possibility however, that the Scrolls were incomplete. That there was something missing...

It did not matter. Gendo would have his perfect world. He would have Yui again. His son... The scum that had stolen his wife's love from him, would be no more.

And the Stargate would be gone.

It would happen, because, in everything else, Gendo would do whatever it would take to make it happen...

* * *

"Great. Get stuck in a time warp for ten years, and the _instant_ you get back, you have to sort through the paperwork," sighed General Jack O'Neill, leaning back in his chair. His old, creaky chair, that when he'd left had been brand-spanking new. As had his desk... Now concealed in a mountain of various forms and documents the general was trying very hard to ignore.

Leaning against a nearby wall, Dr. Daniel Jackson also sighed, shaking his head.

"Well, good to see that, even with the end of the world and ten years, things haven't really changed... All that much..."

"Well, when you're presumed dead for a decade and suddenly return, there is bound to be a lot of controversy, Daniel." Lt. Colonel Samantha Carter smiled wryly at the archeologist. "You, of all people, should know this." Daniel stuck his tongue out at her.

"And to think... We were _this_ close," Jack grumbled, holding his index and thumb slightly apart, "_this close_, to turning off the time dilation whatever."

"At least I was able to freeze _both_ fleets… Instead of just ours," Carter shrugged. Jack nodded.

"Good job on that, Carter."

"Thank you, sir."

"However, it seems that in place of one difficulty, another has arisen," Teal'c observed.

"Well, what can you do, Teal'c? Fate screws us over more than anything else," Jack grumbled, fidgeting in his chair. Carter blinked.

"Something wrong with your chair... Sir?" The general sighed.

"It's old... And uncomfortable. What the hell did they _do_ while we were all gone, anyway?"

"I believe they sealed the Stargate and all levels associated with it's function," Teal'c observed. Jack rolled his eyes.

"Rhetorical question, T." Teal'c made his distinctive small smile at this. Daniel was meanwhile looking through some of the new documentation he'd received.

"Well, this is great... We're all being sent to Japan... Tokyo-3." Jack blinked.

"Tokyo-3? What happened to Tokyo-2?" Daniel looked at the general curiously.

"Tokyo... 2?" Jack raised both opened palms.

"C'mon Danny... Tokyo One got wiped out in Second Impact... And now, we have Tokyo-3. So, my question is, what happened to Tokyo-2?" Daniel blinked, and looked over some of the tourist guides he'd been sent.

"... Huh. Doesn't say." Carter sighed, leaning back in her chair. She shrugged and smiled slightly, as Jack shimied his chair.

"So, what else is new in 2015, hm?"

"Well... Earth's under attack."

"Something _new_, Daniel."

"By gigantic, bio-mechanical entities called Angels, that wish to end all life on Earth."

"... Thanks."

"For?"

"Something new."

"You're welcome." Carter looked over her documents, sky blue eyes scanning all over the filled pages.

"Well sir... Since the Angels only attack Tokyo-3, it means we're being transferred to NERV. We'll be military advisors and help command the defenses for the city."

"Yeah, I have a question... What does NERV stand for? I've tried to find a reference to it, but come up empty..."

"It's beauracracy Daniel. They can make two plus two equal fish if they want."

"You stole that from _The Fairly Odd Parents_, Jack"

"... Did not." The general maturely argued. The archeaologist snorted.

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did too."

"Thank you."

"DAMNIT!"

Carter sighed, and looked over at Teal'c. The imposing Jaffa smiled slightly, ignoring the bickering behind them.

"Is it not good that things are still as they were?"

"Not everything, Teal'c..." Sam trailed off, her gaze shifting away, elsewhere. Teal'c moved in closer, as Jack and Daniel's argument quickly descended into grade school name-calling.

"Spacemonkey!"

"Geezer!"

"Mama's Boy!"

"Jackass!"

"I am sorry that your fiance has married another, Colonel Carter," the Jaff'a said quietly. "If you require my attention, I will be glad to give it." The blonde smiled at her long-time friend, and couldn't help a small chuckle as her commanding officer and best _human_ friend began throwing pencils at eachother. Everything was as it had been... In a new and strange world, familiar but different, as long as she had her team...

"Thank you, Tea'lc..."

She had nothing to fear.

Thwack!

"Ow! Sir!"

"Er... Daniel threw it."

"Did not!"

"Did too! I saw you!"

"He's lying Sam, I sw-Uh... Sam? What are you do-GAH!"

"CARTER! ACK! I ORDER YOU TO-YEOW!"

"OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!"

Teal'c watched Carter manhandle both general and archeaologist through the door by their ears, her eyes filled with angry mirth as the men's pleading followed them down the corridor. Teal'c's small smile became a full-fledged grin. What was it the Tau'ri liked to say? _The more things change..._


	3. Chapter Two

* * *

"REI! REI!" Shinji screamed, clumsily clambering out of the steaming entry plug of Unit 01. He fell to the ground, a fairly short distance with the Evangelion crouching as low as it was, cradling it's fallen comrade. The boy ran up to the entry plug of Unit Zero, it's surface warped and marred by the heat of the Fifth Angel's energy beam attack. He sought the emergency hatch, and pulled with all his might to open it's locks. He cried out from the heat, letting it go, before steeling himself and pulling again, wincing and gritting his teeth against the pain. A burst of air and LCL from the plug coaxed the stubborn hatch open, and left Shinji falling into the knee-high link-connection-liquid, panting and staring up at the blank-faced Ayanami.

"... Rei? Are you... All right?"

"... I am reasonably well," Rei murmured quietly. Shinji smiling brightly, even as he broke into tears and sobbed. The azure-haired girl stared at him.

"Why are you crying?"

"I'm so happy, you idiot!" Shinji laughed through his sobs, shaking and barely supporting himself with his arms. Rei blinked.

"Do you... Not cry when you are sad?" Shinji just laughed a bit harder, shaking his head in a grimace caught between joy, amusement, and sorrow, all three emotions tugging at the boy's face, vying for supremacy. Rei blinked again.

"... I do not know what I should do in a situation like this," the blue haired girl confessed quietly, perplexed. Shinji looked up at her, his face still a battlefield between humor and agony.

"Then just smile!" Rei paused for a little bit, the only sound in the entry plug that of Shinji's continued sobbing laughs. Then, slowly, like dawn breaking over an artic tundra, her thin lips curled into a bonafide smile, twin wrinkles framing her eyes as the red pupils themselves seem to shine. Shinji stopped his laughing, tears still running down his cheeks, as he stared into Ayanami's beautiful face. His mouth dropped a little, in shock... before his own smile met hers.

All too soon, the moment ended between the two teenaged pilots. Shinji helped the injured Rei hobble their way down the hill, away from the two grim Evas. Captain Misato Katsuragi and the recovery teams closed on them, flashlights waving wildly through the tattered forest. They were soon swept away to the NERV hospital, sent to separate examination then recovery rooms.

But for a little while, they both remembered, it had just been the two of them, together. And that was what they held onto from this night, more than anything else.

* * *

"We're lost. When are you going to admit it?" Asked an exasperated Jack O'Neill, to General Jack O'Neill. The older O'Neill grimaced as his clone continued whining down the hallway they were moving through. 

"I am not lost. When have I been lost before?" The younger Jack gave his guardian a withering look.

"Don't answer that."

"Fine," mumbled his clone. Looking between the two O'Neills, the average person would assume that they were father and son, or at the very least, uncle and nephew. And that was how things were to be, for the fifteen-year old young man and his significantly older "progeny". The cover story was easier than the truth, as was it's intended function.

"See? Knew you'd see it my way."

"Of course I see it _your way,_" Jack muttered, exasperated. He continued poking at the cat-ear shaped devices attached to his head.

"Who designed these things, anyway?"

"A Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, I think. Neural connection enhancers, or something, I think they're called," the general responded. Jack shrugged.

"Is she the same person who selected me as a pilot for... What did you call it again?"

"An Evangelion," O'Neill said, stopping briefly at an intersection, before turning left, his clone following. He smiled in triumph as he came to a door marked "TESTING HANGAR-AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY."

"Bingo. See? Told you I wasn't lost." The clone rolled his eyes in typical teenaged fashion, before sliding his ID card through and heading in, O'Neill behind him.

Jack stopped short on the catwalk wreathing the hangar bay, and goggled at the sight before him. O'Neill, having seen the Evangelion before, merely shrugged and waited.

"... That's it?" Jack's clone looked up and down the gigantic, humanoid fighting machine, it's jagged black, green and silver armor fitted like a jigsaw puzzle to the skin of the behemoth. It's dull, yellow eyes staring straight ahead from behind it's grim mask plating. O'Neill smiled slightly.

"Yup. That's it." Jack gawked.

"... That is the second ugliest thing I have ever seen in my life." O'Neill smirked.

"What was the first?" Jack considered the question.

"... Scratch that. This thing just made it to number one."

"You should see the images of Unit 01. Can you say 'Giant purple people eater?'"

"_Who_ designed this thing!" Squawked Jack.

"The same woman who designed those cat ears of yours."

"And these are the people who are at the frontlines of the war to save humanity." Deadpanned Jack. O'Neill shrugged.

"Any worse than we used to be?"

"... Okay. Point taken." Jack sighed, rolling his shoulders slightly. "So! Where's the hatch to get into this... Thing."

The older O'Neill grinned.

* * *

"Carter?" Samantha Carter looked over at the holoscreen in the command center, and smiled slightly at Jack's face through the channel.

"Yes?"

"Considering that you're the one who managed to cut the construction time on this thing by six months... I don't suppose you could figure out a way to make this LCL stop tasting like blood?" Jack grimaced, still fidgeting in his plutsuit that had been sent from NERV less than two days ago. The young pilot was still unable to get used to the super-tight material, even more so when facing the very attractive Colonel Carter and his teenaged hormones in high gear.

"Sorry sir," Carter said apologetically. "NERV's data clearly states that messing with the LCL mix is detrimental to synchronization with the Eva."

"_Carter. I'm in a giant tampon filled with blood in a giant, hideous robot_," Jack deadpanned. _"This is detrimental to my synchronization with life." _Nearby, Dr. Rodney McKay was unable to contain a snort of amusement.

"O'Neill was right... Perfect punishment for stowing away on the _Prometheus_," he noted quietly to Carter, who bowed her head to hide her smile.

"I heard _that," _Jack cut into the control room, displeased. The screen showed him in the trademark O'Neill pout, which tore a snicker from McKay. Carter took a deep breath.

heard Jack cut into the control room, displeased. The screen showed him in the trademark O'Neill pout, which tore a snicker from McKay. Carter took a deep breath. 

"Don't worry, sir. Just remember: You're getting to save the world. That's something, right?"

"_I could save the world just fine without being in a giant tampon inside a hideous giant robot! I've done it before_!" Jack paused. "_I mean... You know what I mean."_

"I know, sir. I know," Carter soothed. "Now... Hopefully, with this activation test, we'll be able to provide NERV's defenses with a fourth Eva, along with Units 00, 01, and Unit 02, which is on it's way from Germany. Are you ready to begin, sir?"

"_Let's just get this over with, please."_

"I don't believe it... He's getting to pilot a _giant robot._" McKay shook his head. "Isn't that, like, every teenaged boy's secret fantasy? Well... Aside from the more obvious ones," the Canadian amended, shrugging sheepishly.

"_How's this for a fantasy, McKay? My giant robot's fist meeting you. Splat,"_ Jack grumbled. McKay smirked.

"Too bad it'll stay a fantasy."

"_Did you see the recording of the first activation test of Eva Unit 0o, McKay?"_ Jack asked waspishly. McKay paused.

"... Yes."

"_Do you really want to make me emotionally unstable in this thing after seeing that?"_ The teenager continued. McKay nodded numbly.

"Er... No." He turned to Carter. "Shall we begin the test?"

"Love to," Carter grinned, glad for the teasing. It kept her mind off the worry that had begun to gnaw at her heart in the last few hours before this test. Worry that she may have made a small error that would end in disaster for them all.

"Now, sir? Just relax, and begin the start-up procedure in your head. We're starting systems now."

"_Roger."_ The control room over the gigantic biomech began to buzz with activity. Carter and McKay looked over the readouts as the procedure commenced. Originally, the NERV procedure for activating an Eva took about three times as long as this operation. However, some modifications from Carter and McKay working together managed to produce a far shorter start up time.

"Opening locks 1 through 25... No problem," McKay reported. "Neural connection is reading normally." Dr. Janet Frasier, nearby, was watching over Jack's biometrics, looking for even the smallest flutter.

"Brainwave activity is normal. Heart rate, respiration, blood pressure... No problem." Sam nodded.

"Opening locks 26 through 49... Approaching critical level," Carter announced, the markers on each lock lighting up bright green.

"Brainwave activity increasing... His information processing has jumped by fifty percent," Frasier added.

"Threshold reached..." The green lights wavered slightly at the fiftieth lock. Carter held her breath. _Please..._

The fifty-first lock lit up, quickly followed by the fifty-second, third, and fourth. Carter exhaled.

"Start-up complete... All systems read green," McKay smiled. "We're good to go." Applause from the other control room operators followed, as below, the Eva's eyes glowed yellow.

"Good work, everyone! Good work," Carter shouted over the cheers, before turning to the radio. "Carter to O'Neill... You okay?"

"... _Wow. That was... Quite a rush. Like something out of... Yellow Submarine. Is that normal?"_ The teenager asked, sounding shocked. Carter grinned.

"Yes sir... It is..." The radio went silent.

"..._ Weird."_

_

* * *

_

Ryouji Kaji was smart. More than that, he was a genius, at least as far as the world he did his business was concerned.

Being a triple agent in the high-stakes game of international espionage, and a _live_ triple agent at that, required brains, courage, and not the least amount of luck. Suffice it to say, Ryouji Kaji was not seen as simply a genius in the dark world he made his living in, he was a superman. Added to this his considerable charms with the opposite sex, attractive and fit physique, and award-winning smile, it was easy to see why he carried himself with such ease and levity. Devil-May-Care might as well have been his callsign in the intelligence community - So few people knew his true identity that they really had no other choice in the matter.

But... Even with his talents, experience, and considerable skill, even men like Ryouji Kaji make mistakes. In the game of international espionage, however, there are no such things as do-overs. No such thing as compassion. And as for mercy... It was less reliable than a dice roll in Vegas.

"Hff!" The Japanese agent slammed against the wall in his hotel room, his back crumpling like paper. A wheezing gasp was his attempt at drawing breath, which was cut off by another slam into his chest. A fist to his face let loose a tooth into the air, another into his side snapped a rib. Kaji slumped to the floor, his eyes dilated widely, his breathing shallow.

The man standing over him carefully wiped his hands off on an ornate hankercheif, dropping it into Kaji's prone lap.He then pulled out a cellphone, and, hitting the speed dial, held the phone up to his ear.

"... Yes. It's done... Yes. I've arranged for the heroin to be found by the bedside... He'll be in the hospital for a few months, at least. Certainly more than enough time... Good. Goodbye." The man closed his cell phone, before leaving the apartment without another word.

Elsewhere, Gendo Ikari put down his phone and nodded to himself, before turning to his computer. He tapped a single key, and knit his fingers in front of his mouth.

"General O'Neill, I presume."

* * *

"Yes sir... Unit 04 should be ready to join Unit 02 on schedule for the crossing to Japan," General Jack O'Neill reported to the grim-looking man on the screen. Commander Gendo Ikari, supreme commander of NERV, nodded slightly. 

"_Very good, General. After the attack by the Fifth Angel, reinforcing our position has never been more important._ _However, I notice that, in your report, you did not install the S2 engine as originally planned."_ O'Neill shrugged.

"That was Colonel Carter's suggestion, sir. She felt they needed more time to study the thing before they tried to incorporate it into any of our weapons systems." Commander Ikari stared at O'Neill. O'Neill stared back.

"_See that the delivery is made on time, along with the Stargate and your team. Ikari out."_ The screen went dark, as O'Neill leaned back in his chair and sighed.

"Gets to the point fast, doesn't he?" A dry voice noted. O'Neill looked to the door to his temporary office at Area 51, and smiled sardonically at Daniel Jackson.

"Yup." Daniel walked over and sighed as he slid into the chair on the other side of the desk. O'Neill looked at him expectantly.

"So..."

"So?" Daniel asked quizzically. Jack opened his hands and held them slightly apart. _Well?_

"Oh! Oh, sorry... I've been... Kind of distracted, by the move and all," the archeaologist apologized. O'Neill nodded.

"No problem. So? How'd it go with Narim?" Daniel sighed.

"The Tollan are busy resettling and rebuilding their world after the attack by the Gou'ald... It'll take them years to get back to where they were before, even with the couple of small ships we helped them build while the survivors camped out on Earth. The help they gave us on Unit 04 is basically all that they could spare."

"So, no go?" Jack asked. Daniel shook his head.

"Nope. Let's see... The Free Jaffa are re-establishing their presence throughout the galaxy. Many of the old System Lords, because most of their military strength was at Baal's homeworld, have fled or gone into hiding, since they could no longer resist the Free Jaffa and other resistance groups. The help they gave us on the Evas ensured that we'll have to give over virtually every ship we have as payment." O'Neill rubbed his eyes tiredly, while Daniel grimaced.

"And the Asgard... Well... They're still too busy rebuilding themselves after the Replicators hit them again."

"And let me guess: The Tok'ra aren't going to bother to help us out?" Jack asked. Daniel nodded solemnly. O'Neill rolled his eyes heavenward.

"No surprise there..." Daniel gave Jack a confused look, and bit down on his lower lip slightly.

"Why did Ikari want the Stargate anyway?" The archeaologist asked, a question he'd obviously been holding in for a while. O'Neill shrugged.

"Got me... I suppose he's the kind of guy who wants all his eggs in one basket."

"What is he, some kind of moron?" Daniel asked incredulously. "What possible benefit could having the Stargate at NERV have?"

"I've read his profile. He's a ruthless control freak. And, unfortunately, he has the UN under his thumb. So, in the end, no matter how much we complain, we're not really in a position to do anything about it." Jack shrugged, and smiled slightly.

"Besides... We're not about to let Mini me go to Japan all by himself, are we?"

"Of course not..." Daniel sighed, and rolled his neck lazily.

"I still can't figure out how he snuck aboard the _Prometheus._ I mean, he'd have to... be..." Daniel trailed off, before coughing. "Nevermind." Jack smirked.

"Yup... He'd have to be me. But of course-"

"He _is_ you. Yes Jack, you used the same joke at last week's staff meeting. Get some new material, _please._"

"_New_ material? What, are you crazy? This is _gold_, my friend. Pure gold."

"Don't you mean silver?" Daniel smirked, indicating the general's rapidly graying mop. Jack glowered.

"Oh, you're _so_ going to get it..."

* * *


	4. Chapter Three

* * *

Heat rose in curling waves from the long runway at Nellis Air Force base, a watery edge to the arid desert landscape. The deception of moisture, the ever-present mirage could turn desperate men's minds into empty husks-And lure unsuspecting travelers to a very dry demise.

But here on the air base, the true danger came from works of man, not of nature.

The roaring of turbofans signaled the touchdown of the transport jet, a massive flying wing that descended like a hot air balloon, sailing more than flying in for a landing. The massive craft was followed by another, falling into line with more grace than the large size of the aircraft suggested. They slid gently the last hundred meters into the air base proper, the hangars their destination. Both came to rest only a few dozen meters from the waiting personnel.

"Damn… What are they? Blimps or flying wings?" Asked Jack O'Neill, the aircraft pilot within him perking up at these new machines. General O'Neill smiled slightly by him.

"Little of both, actually," explained Carter. "Their wings are made up of hundreds of honeycomb-like cells. About half of them are filled with fuel, while the other half can be filled with helium, with allows the aircraft to have the advantages of both an airship and a jet." The blonde smiled slightly. "The engineering difficulties alone are staggering! The materials required and the computer control, along with the required fuel…" Carter quickly descended into reducing the logistics of the aircraft before her to numbers and variables, something that had led both O'Neills to automatically going into 'screensaver mode' when they couldn't understand a word she was saying. Daniel smirked at the glazed-over look appearing in both O'Neill's eyes.

Guess he was lying about how her techno babble was sexy.

He then noticed the drool coming from the corner of Jack Jr's mouth. He grimaced.

On the other hand…

* * *

"And I've read all your papers, Dr. Carter! Your theory on quantum displacement within a wormhole was fascinating!"

"Really?" Samantha Carter was a bit taken aback by the Second Child, Asuka Sorhyu Langley's, enthusiasm regarding her scientific endeavors. On the transport to the Pacific fleet rendezvous, she'd overheard some of the crew's comments regarding the "German bitch." But so far, the red-headed girl had been nothing but adoring, polite and inquisitive towards the blonde colonel.

Probably not used to dealing with kids. "I mean… I thought you were a psych major…" Asuka shook her head with a smile.

"Yes, but I also took a year of theoretical physics, and I did a few reports on your work. The 'quantum foam' phenomenon was particularly intriguing. I always wondered how you came up with the numbers for it." Asuka smirked slightly.

"If anything… The struggle to get top secret clearance was worth it just to get to see what you've been working on. And, well…" The girl looked out the window of the transport, and Carter followed her gaze.

The other flying wing was visible in the porthole, and underneath it, in the hands of the inactive Unit 04, was the Stargate. Underneath their own plane was Asuka's Unit 02, but they couldn't see it from here. Carter smiled softly.

"Yeah…" Both pairs of blue eyes met.

"Do you think I could go on a mission? With you? When we get there, of course." Asuka's smirk was more pronounced. "First Eva pilot to go through the Stargate."

"Well, I'll have to ask the general. But, I don't think there'd be a problem," Carter explained with a slightly wider smile. Asuka returned it, then grimaced as her gaze turned towards the front of the cabin.

"Ha! You call that a course correction? I've seen mice in RC drones do a better job than you!" Jack Jr., apparently extraordinarily bored, had taken to tormenting the pilots, who were grimacing and trying, resolutely, to ignore the boy.

"What a show off… I bet he hasn't flown a plane in his life," Asuka snorted. Carter hid a smile.

"Feh… Stupid jerk. I'll just have to beat him down in combat with my Eva. I've been training for nine years to fight the Angels… I can't wait to see him choke in our first battle," Asuka grinned viciously. She noticed Samantha Carter coughing violently next to her.

"Are you all right, Colonel?"

"Um, hem, sure… Just… Something in my throat," Carter explained, fighting down another wave of laughter.

* * *

"Sempai?"

The faux-blonde looked up from her lab notes, to her assistant, Lieutenant Maya Ibuki, who was looking over the nearby computer station.

"Yes, Maya? What is it?" Ritsuko got out of her seat and came to her apprentice's side. Maya pointed at some of the data she was reviewing, brightly colored chromosome maps. In particular, the lieutenant's digit traced down a neon green sequence of genes.

"I've been looking over the data we got from the SGC two days ago?" Ritsuko hummed in acknowledgement. The paperwork on her desk was just a small sample of the enormous amount of information the interstellar forays of the Stargate Command had yielded on genetics, medicine, life enhancement, and biology, to name only a few fields.

"In particular, I was looking over the sequences on the so-called 'Ancient Technology Activator' gene, or ATA." Maya magnified the sequence, a few numbers running down the screen in furious analysis.

"And…?" Ritsuko prompted.

"I was using the new subroutines to scan the genetic structure of the pilots for any anomalies we couldn't detect before… And I found something odd." Maya clicked a few keys, bringing up two smaller windows with chromosome maps as well. On the tops of the windows were the labels **Ikari, Shinji **and **Ayanami, Rei.**

"Both pilots have the ATA gene?" Ritsuko asked, frowning. Maya nodded.

"I didn't think much of it, until I ran the same scan on the data from the Marduk Institute's sampling for the selection of pilots." More windows appeared, all with various labels of names on them. Ritsuko's frown deepened.

"They all have the gene," she murmured, the same sequence in each window. Maya clicked through a few more windows, demonstrating that indeed, the archaic genetic code of the extinct race survived in every child of at least 14 years of age the Institute had surveyed.

"What else did you find?"

"The gene was not found in any children above 14 years of age… Except in Jack O'Neill Jr., the general's son, who is 15. And the general was proven to already have the gene." Maya cycled through a few more windows. "Previous studies that the SGC conducted indicate that, on average, only 4 to 5 of any population should have even the dormant form of this gene. The Atlantis expedition, for instance, had the largest purposely assembled population of ATA positive adults- but it was only a couple dozen out of a thousand or two." Ritsuko narrowed her eyes.

"But suddenly, every child born after Second Impact is demonstrating the active version of the gene?" Maya nodded, licking her lips uneasily. Ritsuko murmured something under her breath.

"Sempai?"

"Maya… I'd like you to scan the DNA samples from all the staff members here at NERV. Look for this gene. I'm hoping that-" The screen flashed an angry red warning. _Information classified TOP SECRET. Requires Clearance Level One-Gold to proceed._

Maya looked at Ritsuko, confused.

"Sempai?" Ritsuko cursed under her breath.

"I can't access it…"

"But I thought your clearance was-"

"It's Level One. Level One-Gold is reserved for the Commander, and the Commander only," the bottle blonde grumbled. The lithe brunette was confused.

"Why would-?" Maya stopped at Ritsuko's harsh look.

"Just… Forget it. I'll talk to the commander about this…"

"Something else…" Maya began uneasily. "I ran the same scan on the Evangelions…"

"They have the gene too?" Ritsuko guessed. Maya nodded.

"… What does this mean, Sempai?"

"I don't know," Ritsuko murmured, half to herself. _Gendo, what the hell have you been hiding from me…?_

_

* * *

_

Shinji Ikari grimaced at the downblast from the helicopter's rotors, his eyes crinkling at the wind tearing at his eyes. With a slight push from Misato, he headed out onto the flight deck, the wind dying down little by little with every step away from the helo.

"Hey! Come back here!" He looked up as Touji ran across the deck, chasing his hat, the special one he'd gotten just for Misato.

It fluttered and danced in the air, before finally coming to a stop in front of a pair of white shoes. Touji blinked, before looking up at what was attached to those shoes… And the long, lightly-freckled legs… Leading up to a pair of pure white panties underneath a yellow sundress, which connected to-

"PERVERT!" _POW!_ Touji was sent head over heels by the force of the punch, grimacing at the feet of Shinji, Misato, and an enthusiastically filming Kensuke.

"Wow! She just belted him!" The military otaku enthused, filming the fuming girl's angry face.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" Roared Touji, getting to his feet with fury burning in his eyes. The girl scoffed.

"That was the price for the view. A very _exclusive_ view, I might add, you pervert!"

Misato smiled wryly.

"Nice to see you too, Asuka, dear. You've grown a lot since the last time I saw you." Asuka flipped her hair back under her wide-brimmed sunhat, and smirked.

"I have… So, who's the Third Child?" Shinji coughed hesitantly, while Kensuke pointed at him. Asuka's keen eyes ran over the Third, a scowl forming.

"You? Well… You're certainly nothing to look at," the redhead sneered.

"You want something to look at? Here!" Touji growled, pulling down his pants and boxers. Shinji and Kensuke turned away, grimacing, while Misato fought down snickers. Touji found his act of defiance sending him crashing into the flight deck by way of Asuka's fist once again.

"PERVERT!" _Slap! Slap!_

"OW! Hey!"

"What'd we do?" Shinji winced. Asuka stuck up her nose.

"C'mon, the stupid captain wants to see you."

"Really have a way with visitors, don't you, Sorhyu?" Laughed a voice in American-accented Japanese over the flight deck. Asuka and the others turned towards the source of the voice, the redhead scowling at the speaker-A short, dark blond-haired boy with a grin on his face.

"None of your bees wax, Fourth!" The boy sighed, shaking his head and muttering to himself, before he closed the last few feet between himself and Misato's little group. He held out his hand.

"I'm Jack O'Neill… Jr., that is. Fourth Child." Shinji blinked a little at the Western expression, before Jack coughed and withdrew it.

"Oops, forgot…" He bowed respectfully, a smaller smile gracing his face in place of the broad grin he'd had. "Pleasure to meet you. That harpy over there is the Second Child, Asuka Langley Sorhyu."

"Who you calling a harpy, jackass?" Demanded Asuka, snorting. Jack held up his hands.

"Sheesh, would you relax? Did we _really_ have to go when you started your-"

"Don't start, Fourth! Or I'll tell Colonel Carter where her missing panties went!"

"Like you have proof! You probably took them yourself!"

"WHAT!"

"These… Are the new pilots?" Shinji asked numbly. Misato sighed.

"Great. Four temperamental teenagers are all that stands between us and total annihilation…" She grimaced as the bickering between the Second and Fourth Children escalated in volume over the wind running down the flight deck.


	5. Chapter Four

"Hello. This is Shinji Ikari, his friends Touji Suzuhara and Kensuke Aida, and I am, of course, Major Misato Katsuragi," Misato introduced herself, smiling politely. "Pleasure to meet you."

The lavender-haired major ran an appreciative eye over Dr. Daniel Jackson, who blinked at her quizzically. She licked her lips. _A real pleasure, indeed, _she thought, smirking internally.

Asuka saw the way the major was looking at Daniel, and grimaced. She moved forward and looped her arms around the archaeologist's shoulder, smiling coyly at him.

"Dr. Jackson? I was hoping I could talk to you about some of your missions. I've read the reports, but I've always wanted to hear them from you," the redhead sighed happily, leaning comfortably against Daniel's side. The archaeologist coughed, smiling nervously.

"Er, sure. What would you like to talk about?" As Asuka led Daniel away, chatting happily, Jack O'Neill sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Daniel always has a penchant for attracting women in droves," the American sighed. Touji looked over at O'Neill curiously. Kensuke grinned.

"Just like Shinji here!" The military otaku patted Shinji on the back, making the Third Child blush and cough slightly.

"Er, I don't… Mean to…"

"That's like Daniel too," Jack noted, smirking. Misato sighed, shaking her head.

"The admiral's going to want to see us. I don't think we should keep him waiting," Misato stated.

* * *

"Why is my fleet being used as a _courier_ service! I demand to know _why_ NERV and the SGC require my _entire_ fleet just to transport a couple of overpriced children's toys!" The gruff admiral spat. General Jack O'Neill sighed heavily.

"Because, _Admiral_, these toys are all that stands between Earth and total annihilation." The general indicated the files at the side of the admiral's chair on the bridge. "You have read the reports, correct?"

"It was sheer luck that these children were able to defeat those monsters."

"With all due respect, sir," interjected Samantha Carter, "luck is once. Luck doesn't extend to three times."

The admiral did not waver. "I just want to get these children, their toys, and that oversized toilet seat off my boat! See to it that you keep this trip as short as possible!" With that, the admiral turned back to gazing out at the flight deck of the _Over The Rainbow,_ a miffed general and sighing colonel behind his chair.

"That could have gone better," O'Neill noted to Carter as the two headed off the bridge.

"Well sir… Even with the information on the Stargate Program being released to the higher-ranking military personnel, a lot of people just aren't buying it. Refusing to believe in what we're facing." O'Neill sighed.

"Yeah… On the other hand, I don't think I'd believe myself if I told myself about half the stuff we've been through… If it was another me, who hadn't-"

"I get the idea, sir," Carter smiled slightly, as O'Neill sighed.

"That could have _come out_ better…"

* * *

"… I already have _my_ college degree, not to mention certified mastery in ten languages, three classes of firearms, and four styles of martial arts. What do _you_ have, Third?" Asuka sneered across the mess hall table, contentedly snuggled against the exasperated Dr. Jackson's left arm. Shinji coughed.

"Ah… Well…"

"For _your_ information, he's destroyed _three_ angels, all on his own!" Touji interjected, smirking. "How many have _you_ beaten?"

"Feh. From what I've heard, he got _lucky,_" the redhead sniffed. "Once I'm in action, you won't be drooling over the Third here anymore."

"True, but they won't be drooling over you for your piloting skills," Jack Jr. noted with a sly grin. Asuka flushed angrily.

"Pervert! Shut your trap!"

"Hey… I was complimenting you! You heard me, didn't you Spacemonkey?" Jack asked Daniel. The archaeologist sighed.

"Jack… How many times have I told you, _not_ to call me that?"

"About, oh… Two hundred, thirty-seven times," Jack replied. Daniel rolled his eyes.

"Only you would keep count of something like that."

"So, um… Wh-Where are you from, Jack-san?" Asked Shinji politely, coughing at his own courage. The American teenager shrugged, leaning back in his chair.

"Colorado. I was raised in foster homes, before I enlisted in the US Air Force."

"And met his… Uncle," Daniel noted, raising an eyebrow as Asuka brushed her chest against his arm. Jack nodded.

"Yeah… General Jack O'Neill. He's the head of the US Evangelion program… As well as a few other projects."

"Hah! Figures that you'd only become an Eva pilot through nepotism," Asuka sneered. "Just like the Third!"

"Nah… They only screen for talent, Sorhyu. Which doesn't explain how you got here," returned Jack, grinning infuriatingly. The redhead gnashed her teeth.

"Bastard! Watch your tongue! I don't see _you_ with a college degree, or _nine years_ of pilot training!" Jack smirked.

"I don't see you lasting five seconds in battle, match head."

SMACK! Asuka's fist met Jack's wrist on the other side of the table, the boy still wearing his superior-looking smirk, the girl's face twisted in fury.

"You…" The German grasped the American's wrist, twisted it, and in a lunge across the table, sent both herself and Jack to the floor. _Crash!_

"Hey! That's enough you two! Quit it!" Daniel shouted, as Asuka pinned Jack to the floor. Jack grimaced as Asuka breathed heavily in his ear.

"Say it."

"No way… Grrr…" Jack gritted his teeth as the redhead twisted his arm.

"_Say it!_"

"… Uncle. There, happy?" Jack ground out. "Crazy bitch…"

Asuka stood up, brushing herself off in triumph, as she flashed the victory sign to all and sundry. Kensuke was drooling as he video-taped the whole thing. Shinji and Touji were wide-eyed. Daniel sighed.

"Asuka… Do you have to do that _every time_…?"

"Morons like him don't listen to reason," the girl sniffed. Jack chuckled darkly on the floor.

"Which is why you resort to violence when you've lost the argument, right? OOF!" The boy rubbed his bruised ribs, and glared up at Asuka. "Brat!"

"Asshole!"

"Bitch!"

"Manwhore!"

"Devil-Girl!"

Kensuke furiously wrote that one down for later, as Shinji sighed, lying his head on the table.

"You're just laughing it up, aren't you, God?" The despondent teen moaned into the plastic. "The joke that is my life…"

* * *

"Pretty impressive, huh Third?" Shinji looked up nervously at the smirking red head, standing atop the back of her scarlet Eva, the biomech in question lying face-down in a shallow pool of cryogenic fluids. The Japanese boy nodded numbly, not wishing to incite the redhead's wrath and be thrown into the freezing-cold liquid.

"The first production _combat_ model - Definitely _no_ prototype. Only the best for the best!" The girl sniffed.

"And mine's not a sissy color like _purple._ What, is it supposed to be an entry for a Gay Day parade?" Shinji blinked, looking down at the deck.

"It's not _that _bad," he muttered.

Yeah, right, and Rei spontaneously breaks out into show tunes in class.

Back in Tokyo-3, Rei sneezed, then blinked, before she continued whatever she was doing at the time.

"Anyway, _Third,_ when we get into battle, you'd better just stay out of my way if you know what's good for you!" Asuka harrumphed.

"I'll try to, really," Shinji mumbled, nodding simply. He _really_ had wanted to go with Kensuke and Touji to see Unit 04 with Jack, but Asuka had dragged him to Unit 02 just to show off more. What was her deal, anyway?

* * *

"I am _really_ glad that they replaced the armor on this thing," Jack sighed.

Next to him, Kensuke swept his camera over the inert form of the silver-plated Evangelion, lying like it's sister machine on the other end of the ship, in a pool of cryogenic suspension fluid. Touji whistled.

"What was the armor like before?"

"Camouflage."

"What's wrong with that?" Kensuke asked. "Wouldn't it make more sense to camouflage it?" Jack Jr. grinned, his hair rustled slightly by a breeze that had slipped through the tarp covering the biomech.

"The armor it had before wasn't a… Crystallized trinium alloy," Jack responded, brow knitted to call up the particular terminology Carter had given the material in question. "Ten times harder than diamond. Can withstand a fifty-megaton detonation at close range, and I mean _close range._" Jack sighed. "Unfortunately, she doesn't have as many weapons options as 02."

"Huh? Why not?" Asked Touji. Kensuke smiled.

"Because so much funding went into the armor, there wasn't much left over for weapons?" Jack nodded, frowning slightly.

"Give the man a cigar. Yeah… Funding short comings. Zero Two's got a battle axe, a glaive, a positron rifle, a pallet rifle with naquada tipped shells, a bazooka, a sword, a flamethrower option… Mine's just got the progressive knife, the two varieties of rifle, and a small bazooka." Jack shrugged.

"Still, the armor lets you take more of a beating, right? You should be able to last longer in close-combat against an Angel," Kensuke theorized.

"That's what they _say_… On the other hand, I know better than to doubt Carter. She's the whole reason Zero Four got done as fast as it did." Jack grinned. "If you need the impossible done, she's your man. Er… Woman."

"Is she hot?" Touji asked, grinning lecherously. Jack coughed.

.Before he could answer, however, the deck shifted underneath them, as the three teenagers stumbled slightly. A muffle _boom_ sounded in the distance.

"What was that?" Touji asked.

* * *

The object kicked up a huge spray of water as it passed underneath an _Arleigh Burke-_class guided missile destroyer. A second later, the destroyer was smacked out of the sea and sent tumbling into a sister ship nearby. The object moved on, going from ship to ship, sinking every one it passed.

"What's it doing? It's acting like…" Daniel Jackson shook his head, watching from the bridge along with Misato, O'Neill, Carter, and Teal'c (who had been meditating on the hanger deck.) Carter snapped her fingers.

"It's looking for something… But what?" Carter frowned.

"The Evas?" Asked Daniel. Misato shook her head.

"Why now? And why here? The Angels have never acted like this before…"

"Who cares why it's here! All we need to know, _Major_ Katsuragi, is that it's here and it's the enemy! Captain, order all ships to open fire!" The captain nodded, and relayed the information to the communications officer. A few moments later, the fleet opened fire, torpedoes and shells being fired into the water towards the aquatic assailant.

"This isn't going to work, Admiral!" Carter protested. "The first Angel took a 50 megaton N2 mine and wasn't destroyed-What makes you think that even your combined power will defeat it?"

"Because, Colonel Carter, it is in our playing field. Now be quiet, or I'll have you removed from the bridge!" The admiral shouted, turning away once again. Misato groaned, and pulled out her cell phone.

"What's Jack's cell number?" She asked.

"Relax. I've got it," O'Neill interjected, pulling out his own phone. Daniel gulped nervously, as the Angel moved closer.

"It's coming for us…"

"Indeed. Perhaps you should begin evacuation of the ship, Admiral," Teal'c noted.

"I'm in command, _Mister_ Teal'c!" The captain turned back to his CO.

"Sir, none of our weapons are having any effect!" The admiral started.

"What! Deploy the N2 mines!"

"At this range, we'd be destroyed along with the target!"

"Uh huh… Good. All right, Asuka, go get 'em." Misato closed the phone with a smirk. "Asuka's getting ready." O'Neill shut his own phone.

"Jack's up. No problem." Jack turned to the Admiral. "Sir, would you mind terribly having your men set up the auxiliary generators that the Major kindly brought along?" The admiral grimaced.

"We have the situation-" _KOOM!_ A nearby frigate exploded. The admiral gulped.

"Yes, of course. See to it immediately!"

* * *

"AUGH! MY BALLS!"

"Quit complaining! You wanted to come!" Jack O'Neill Jr. ground out, trying to inialize his Eva. His two passengers, Kensuke and Touji, were wearing his spare plug suits-Identical to the suit Shinji wore in Unit 01, only colored to match Zero Four's distinct silver, violet, scarlet and jet black adornment. Kensuke grinned at the twitching eyes of his friend on the other side of Jack's carriage.

"Besides Touji, it just means you're bigger than O'Neill!" Jack rolled his eyes as Touji smiled painfully.

"Really?"

Ah, youth… Why the hell did I agree to this again? Jack rolled his eyes.

Of course… Save the world, get women. Duh. With that, Jack began the start-up procedure.

"Neural links… Online… A12 synchronization circuits… Open… Synchronization at 10 percent and rising… All systems go." The entry plug lights flickered. The Japanese boys looked around.

"… We're not moving."

"It's because your thoughts are screwing with the connection! Don't think!" Jack ordered. Kensuke grinned. "No problem for Touji!"

"Shut it, geek wad!"

"It's true!"

"Is not!"

"This isn't _helping,_ kids…"

* * *

"Um… What's going on?" Shinji gasped out, gritting his teeth in discomfort. The female red plug suit Asuka had had him change into was _definitely_ anatomically correct. Asuka growled in the carriage.

"Baka! You're screwing up the connection! Don't think in Japanese! If you must think, do it in German!"

"Uh, okay. Strudel… Hamburg… blitz…" Asuka whapped the boy on the head, making Shinji cry out.

"Hey!"

"Oh never mind… Reset for Japanese interface," the redhead commanded, the entry plug returning to it's original configuration. A few terse commands in Japanese later, and the entry plug lit up, showing the world around the Evangelion from it's eyes. Asuka smirked.

"All right… O'Neill's still in startup mode! Slowpoke! HAH!" Unit 02 leapt up from it's bonds, it's long yellow tarp covering it's shoulders like an elaborate cloak. Bending it's knees, it leap from the transport ship to a nearby destroyer amidships, just as the Angel came underneath the Eva carrier. Asuka grinned.

"I was always good at hopscotch," she said conversationally, as the transport ship behind them exploded.

"_AUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH! SAVE US!" _Screamed Kensuke and Touji over the radio.

"_Me without my fishing gear… This really sucks,_" Jack noted calmly. "_Hey, Zero Four to Zero Two-Asuka, sweetheart, we could use some help here."_

"Ha! Admitting that I'm better than you already!" Asuka gloated.

"_No… I just need you to fish me out of the water, before I drown with two guys who scream like little girls." _

"HEY!"

"Fine, fine… Hold on. I'll get you a power cable."

"_Carter to Unit 4, do you read? Unit 4?"_ Samantha Carter's face appeared in a holographic window before the two red-clad teenagers. Asuka shook her head with a smile.

"Sorry Dr. Carter. This is Unit 2. Can we help you?" Shinji blinked.

What the… Does she have split personalities or what?

"_Unit 4's only got the B-type equipment, which means it can't operate underwater." _A pause. "_Which is pretty stupid, considering that the Evangelion is designed for all environments and is air-tight thanks to it's armor." _

"Hey… Yeah! They can operate in gigantic lakes of liquid Bakelite, but not underwater?" Added Misato over the radio.

"Okay, let's try to survive this Angel attack so that we can rag on the poor designs of the Evangelions later, okay?" Jack O'Neill cut in. "_Asuka: Get to the carrier, grab the power cables, and get one to Jack, got it?"_

Jack O'Neill cut in. " 

"Yes sir!" Asuka grinned manically, making Shinji gulp.

"_… Why is Shinji in the Eva with you? And why is he wearing one of your plugsuits?_" Finally asked Daniel, who had pushed his way into the holographic screen. Asuka smiled sweetly.

"I'm just showing him how a _real_ Eva pilot fights! Don't' worry, I have no interest in him, _Daniel!_" The archaeologist sighed.

"_I'm so relieved_," he noted dryly.

* * *

The Sixth Angel came about, the Evangelion Unit 04 struggling to swim in an almost comical fashion. The aquatic angel zoomed for the floundering biomech, targeting Zero Four's chest. The Eva, however, was not about to be made into fish food, and barely managed to push itself away from the Angel using it's attacker's own momentum.

"Woah… Sweet!" Kensuke enthused, his camera still running. On Jack's other shoulder, Touji was turning a bit green.

"Urgh… I think… I'm getting sea sick," the jock mumbled. Between the two, Jack O'Neill fumed.

Why the hell did I decide to save them? WHY!

* * *


	6. Chapter Five

Chapter the fifth. I've added in lots of high-priced special effects just for you, and an amusing omake or two at the end. Enjoy!

And please, review. Thank you.

* * *

The brilliant red Evangelion Zero Two landed on the flight deck of the _Over The Rainbow_ with all the grace of a rock. The carrier rocked, coming close to capsizing as the momentum of the gigantic biomechslowly dissipated. However…

"ARGH! _Each of those aircraft cost thirty million dollars!"_ Shrieked the admiral, slipping his weathered hands under his officer's cap and gripping his bleaching hair hard. He'd watched half the _Over The Rainbow's _air group go overboard.

Jack O'Neill sighed. This admiral was probably assigned by the UN-He'd met US admirals. They were generally just as cool under fire as he himself had been, and _definitely_ not as hard-assed as a lot of land-based brass. That's what they were chosen for.

"Asuka, got the cable?" The red Eva had pulled the long power cable from the first portable generator, and smoothly attached it to it's socket.

"_Confirmed. I could do this in my sleep."_ Jack smirked. Cocky little spitfire, wasn't she?

"Roger that. Mind lending the spare fishing line to my nephew?"

"_No problem. Jerk probably can't handle being saved by a woman!" _The redhead laughed haughtily, just as the Eva turned and leapt off the carrier, rocking it once again.

Deep blue eyes peeked behind a rivulet of blood. Daniel groaned as Sam helped him to his feet, pressing a bandage against his gashed forehead.

"Gah… This thing needs air bags," the archaeologist groaned. Teal'c stood as salient as ever, having encountered worse shifting on Goa'uld motherships.

"Major Katsuragi. Did you bring any additional weapons with you?" The Jaffa asked the slightly-dazed looking NERV officer.

"Ah… No. Not enough room," she shrugged apologetically. "Still, Shinji's been able to defeat an Angel with just a prog knife."

"True, but perhaps they could use more support?" Carter offered, looking over at Jack. The general grinned.

"Roger that. Major, mind accompanying us to the hanger deck?"

"What! I'm not letting you off this ship! I'm not letting you have any of my aircraft!" The admiral feebly protested. O'Neill rolled his eyes.

"Relax, admiral. We're just taking one of our… Craft. Anyway, shall we?"

* * *

The radio crackled in Zero Four, startling two of the three boys inside. Jack calmly opened the channel by mental command.

"O'Neill, go."

"_Get ready to lick my boots in gratitude, Fourth! Here's your lifeline!"_ The image of Unit 02 could be made out to the side of the Eva, just as the Sixth Angel had come about to try and devour the silver Evangelion for a third time.

The Angel knew that the Eva couldn't operate for long underwater in this mode. All it had to do was knock the pilot about until it lost consciousness from the lack of oxygen. Then, all it would have to do would retrieve it's-

KROOM! Eva 02 threw a punch into the side of the Angel, knocking it off to circle the two biomechs like a shark.

"_Here Fourth, it's all yours!" _Jack grabbed the spare cable and easily plugged it in. The cockpit of the Eva lit up, power flowing anew into the humanoid fighting machine.

"All right! Time to kick some Angel ass!" Crowed Kensuke. Touji was still looking green. Jack ignored this all, a small smirk on his face.

"All right, Moby Dick… Time to meet the harpoon," he whispered, drawing the silver mecha's single long, menacingly-looking progressive knife. It had been designed by Colonel Carter herself, intended for maximum penetration.

"_Hey Fly Boy! This one's mine! Go get your own!" _Asuka yelled, using the taut power cable to swing herself slightly as the Sixth Angel came for them. She pulled out her own prog knife, the tiny blade glowing in the depths of the sea.

"Aw, why let her have all the-" Kensuke began to protest, before-

"_GAH!"_ The Sixth Angel had rammed Zero Two heedless of the threat it's knife posed, and shoved the red Eva into the silver.

"Ack!"

"WAH!"

"We're gonna DIE!"

The two Evangelions struggled against each other, as the Sixth twisted itself into a bizarre kind of spin, almost as thought it were mocking the two fighting machines and their five occupants.

"We're tangled! Damnit! Stupid Fourth!" Asuka screamed, causing Shinji to cover his ears.

"What? _You _got shoved into me! Look: Can we _please_ try to work the problem, and _not_ argue?" Jack demanded, over the sounds of Touji hyperventilating in the LCL and Kensuke babbling about how the best way to die was in an Eva.

"Oh great, the umbilical cords are twisted!" Shinji pointed out.

"_Scheisse._ We struggle too hard, we'll break them! Quit moving, O'Neill!"

"You're wiggling!"

"No, _you_ are!"

"_Hey hey hey! Children, now let's play nice?" _The voice of Jack O'Neill Sr. came over the communications link. "_Don't worry, we're coming to help."_

"Huh?" A moment later, Shinji noticed a strange, cylinder-shaped object coming down from above. The radio channel opened again.

"_Uh, sir?" _

"Yes, Carter?"

"This craft wasn't really designed to operate underwater." The Eva's occupants collectively blinked.

"… Carter? It's from Atlantis. You know, underwater city?"

"Yes sir, I know, but um… The Jumper was never… Exactly… Designed for this."

"It's a SPACESHIP!_ It can go through the Gate! It can fly through the air! What the hell is so hard about making it go _UNDERWATER!"

SPACESHIP!UNDERWATER!" 

"_Ah… Well…"_

"Wait, wait… Let me guess. Cultural thing, right Daniel?"

"Uh… No, Jack. Not a cultural thing."

"Then what! Why wasn't it designed to go underwater!"

"Um… Because the Ancients used the Stargates to get out of the city, and so they didn't really _need their ships to be able to go underwater, so…" _

"Ah ah ah. No. Nothing further. I'm sure it can survive being underwater for a few minutes."

"Um, sir?"

"No, no… PLEASE, don't say it…"

"Really sir, it can't-"

"La la la la, not listening!"

"SIR!"

really 

"Dude. Your uncle's a whack job," Touji noted. Jack rolled his eyes.

"_Wait! Wait! I think I've got an idea," _Misato broke into the conversation. "_General, does this ship have any weapons?" _

"A couple…"

"_Fire them at the Angel. Asuka, Jack, be ready on my signal, okay?" _

"To do what?" Asuka asked, blinking.

"_To plunge your knives into the core of the Angel, at the same time."_

"And we're supposed to do that tangled, how?" Jack asked.

"_Simple. Just ram the knives down when the Angel swallows you."_

"WHAT!" Screamed every teenager aboard the two Evangelions.

"_Relax! It's foolproof! It'll work, trust me." _

"Carter? What do you think?"

"Well sir… Considering how maneuverable the Angel is, it seems this is the only way to catch it."

"By fishing for it, right?"

"Exactly!" Misato exclaimed.

"There is the little wrinkle of being _swallowed_, by an _Angel,"_ Asuka complained.

"_You want to drown? Even with the power cable, the LCL will only be able to re-oxygenate for a few minutes more at least," _Misato warned.

"Ah, so that's why they can't operate in all environments," confirmed Daniel. "_That makes sense."_

confirmed Daniel. " 

"_Really, Daniel?" _Misato cooed.

"_Ah… Nevermind." _

"Look kids-We'll get the Angel's attention. Just… Wiggle. Think like a worm."

"I have to think like Sorhyu/O'Neill?" The Second and Fourth children asked at the same time.

"HEY! You stole that!" They shouted at each other again.

"No, you did!" They accused in synch.

"This is creepy," Shinji noted.

"_All right, here we go," _O'Neill announced. The tiny Ancient Jumper maneuvered sluggishly past the tangled Evas, and launched a pair of glowing yellow probes. They maneuvered through the water with relative ease, both ramming into the Angel and knocking it off-balance. Enraged, the gigantic creature rushed forward. The Jumper hid behind the Evangelions.

"_They did it," _Jack said innocently over the radio.

"_Gee Jack, a giant alien fish is really going to believe you,"_ Daniel drawled.

"_Wouldn't be the first time, Danny-boy."

* * *

_

The Sixth Angel heeded none of the confusing chatter from the small human vessel. All it saw were the dangling Evangelions. It opened it's giant, tri-jawed mouth and lunged forward.

"AAAAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!" Screamed the teenagers, as they were engulfed by the Angel. The Ancient Jumper skittered away, barely avoiding a similar fate. For a few moments, the Angel continued slurping up the power cable, completely ignoring the Jumper.

"Wait… Wait for it…" Misato murmured, her eyes locked on the gigantic creature. The bright red core was still visible… Still whole…

The Angel paused, then began to writhe. It shuddered. The core seemed to be trying to push it's way out of the creature's belly.

Finally…

Nnnnnn… The Angel moaned, a pair of glowing blades breaking through it's flesh and sending it's core falling to the ocean floor. The puncture wounds grew, expanding as two Evangelions pushed, slashed, kicked, punched, and even bit their way out of the dying Angel.

"_YES! IT WORKED! THEY'RE ALIVE!"_ Misato cheered, as the other occupants of the Jumper grinned and laughed. Well, aside from Teal'c, but he was at least smiling.

"_Evangelion Unit Zero Two, to Misato,"_ came Asuka's voice over the radio, as the two Evas finally ripped the Angel's corpse in two and freed themselves.

"Yes Asuka, we read you loud and clear! Are you all right?"

"_Yes. Mission accomplished! It's dead and-"_

"_NEVER AGAIN!" _Shouted a voice over the radio. Misato blinked.

"… Shinji?"

"_Never! Never again! I'm NEVER doing anything REMOTELY like that EVER AGAIN!" _

"You and me both, bro!" Touji shouted. "_That was INSANE!" _

"Are you kidding? THAT WAS AWESOME! Let's do it again!" Kensuke crowed.

"_Let's not… Please."_ Jack Jr. sighed. "_I never thought I'd see the day I switched places with a worm on my hook…"_

"Well, now you have!" Jack grinned. "You can tell the nice shrinks at the base all about it…"

"_Fuck you, O'Neill."_

"Right back at you, pipsqueak," Jack grinned.

"O'Neill. It appears that your hobby has more merit than I originally perceived," Teal'c commented.

"Maybe not everything he does is pointless," Daniel added.

"Fuck you, Spacemonkey."

"No thanks, appreciate the offer though."

"THAT'S IT! You're getting an archaeologist noogie, right here, right now!"

"Wha-AUGH! JACK! QUIT IT!"

"NOOGIE!"

"SIR! Hands on the controls please!" Jack pouted, leaving Daniel's hair a mess over the bandage on his forehead. The archeaologist glared at him.

"You're _so_ going to get it when we get to NERV."

"Bring it, Spacemonkey," O'Neill grinned.

"I intend to," Daniel returned, smirking nastily. Misato smiled, shaking her head.

"Yeah… I think you'll all fit in just fine…"

* * *

OMAKE 01: Analysis

Starring Maya Ibuki and Daniel Jackson

"MAGI! I, Dr Samantha Carter, order you to calculate my love-love ratio! Who is my soul mate?" The computer whirred a bit, before displaying it's answer. Dr. "Samantha Carter" looked amazed.

"Why, it's Lt. Maya Ibuki! She is my soul mate? But how? What about… General O'Neill?" The machine displayed more information.

"Well, that's true… What about Daniel, though? Poor Daniel…" The computer's data shifted once more, leading the brilliant, blonde SG team member to look flushed.

"So… Maya is my soul mate? Sweet, loving, _dutiful_ Maya? Oh my…" THe woman swooned, leaning back in her chair and closing her eyes. A cough interrupted her dramatic faint.

"Lt. Ibuki." Maya blinked at the upside-down image of Daniel Jackson, staring at her. She stared back.

"Dr. Jackson."

Both stared at each other. Daniel fidgeted. Maya coughed.

"Your, ah… Wig fell off," the archaeologist indicated, calmly and slowly backing out of the lab.

"… Thank you," Maya muttered, getting up, quickly closing and making absolutely sure it was locked _this time_, before going back to her blonde wig and readjusting it.

The computer screen displayed a message from the MAGI's private inner processing: _I don't know whether to laugh or cry, poor girl…_

* * *

OMAKE 02: Understanding

Starring Rei Ayanami and Teal'c

Teal'c, former first Prime of Apothis, now warrior for the Tau'ri, and currently assigned to NERV in Tokyo-3, stared at the First Child, Rei Ayanami. The azure haired girl stared back.

Teal'c had read what little information there was available on the First Child, pilot of the biomechanical weapon Evangelion Unit 00. Apparently she was in the favor of Commander Ikari, though her exact relationship with the man was unknown. Teal'c decided to attempt communication with the strange child.

"Greetings, Pilot Ayanami. Is there something you require of me?"

"No." Teal'c blinked. Rei blinked back.

"I am curious. You are an alien being, correct?"

"Indeed," Teal'c responded simply. Rei considered this.

"Where did you come from?"

"Chulak, a world far removed from this one."

"How did you come to Earth?"

"I rebelled against the false god Apothis, in hopes that I could one day free my people from the Gou'ald. I thus joined SG-1 as a warrior towards this purpose."

"Purpose..." The girl paused. Teal'c stayed silent. Rei nodded very slightly.

"My purpose is to serve the commander." Teal'c nodded, unsure of what the girl was getting at.

"Indeed."

"... Before you rebelled against Apothis, what was your purpose?" Teal'c nodded, considering that perhaps the girl was evalutating her own purpose and seeking him out for guidance on the subject.

"To carry out Apothis's will, subjugating and destroying those who would stand against his conquest."

"You... Did not agree with this purpose?"

"No. I did not."

"... So you altered your purpose?"

"Correct. I altered it because I felt that I needed to, in order to free my people from slavery to the Gou'ald."

"... I feel myself becoming more and more unsure of my purpose recently. Did you feel this way as well, before betraying Apothis?"

"Indeed. I was raised to believe that Apothis and the other Gou'ald were gods. However, as I discovered more and more evidence that this was not the case, I reevaluated my beliefs and purpose. When SG-1 appeared, I saw my chance to alter my purpose more fittingly to my beliefs, and decided to try and free my people from their enslavement."

Rei looked down, seemingly thoughtful. Teal'c waited.

"... I see. You have granted me considerable insight," Rei responded.

"I am pleased to be of assistance," responded the Jaff'a.

"Indeed?" Rei asked. Teal'c smiled slightly.

"Indeed."

* * *


	7. Omake Interlude

****

OMAKE 03: Punishment - Part 1

Starring Gendo Ikari, Kozo Fuyutsuki, Rei Ayanami, Asuka Langley Sorhyu, Shinji Ikari, and Jack O'Neill Jr.

The four Evangelion pilots stood in the dark, depressing office of Gendo Ikari, all in hard, uncomfortable chairs. Rei sat there as emotionlessly as ever, Asuka was indignant, and Shinji was looking down at his feet next to Jack Jr., who was looking apprehensive.

"Why did you think it was a good idea to take the Stargate with you on this last mission?" The Commander of NERV asked flatly, barely restrained fury behind his eyes.

"Well…" Began Shinji.

"HEY! It got the job done, right?" Asuka asked flatly. "Right, Baka?"

"Right," replied both Shinji and Jack, who then blinked and looked over at the red head.

"Which one did you mean?" Jack asked.

"Yeah… You call us both Baka…" Asuka glowered.

"And that means it doesn't _matter_ who I call what, huh?"

"Rei. Why did you take the Stargate with you?" Gendo asked, effectively silencing everyone else.

"I believe the idea arose when Pilot O'Neill speculated on the feasibility of using an Evangelion umbilical cable as a jump rope," Rei answered truthfully. "From there, the hypothetical discussion between Pilots Sorhyu, Ikari, O'Neill, and myself progressed to what items could be used in the proper scale while operating within their Eva units, to substitute for human-sized objects."

Gendo stared at the pilots. The pilots (except for Rei) looked elsewhere. The blunette continued.

"Among the substitutions suggested were public buses for roller skates, a train for the martial arts weapon _nunchuks_, the public reservoir for a bathtub, a 'jumbotron' for a TV, the cables from a suspension bridge for strings for an instrument, such as a violin-"

"Enough. I get the idea." Gendo assumed his trademark pose, and looked over the four pilots speculatively.

"Who came up with the Stargate as a Frisbee?"

"I did, Commander," Rei volunteered. Gendo blinked.

"… You did."

"Yes. I noted that the shaping of the Stargate would facilitate it's effective use as an Evangelion-sized recreational flying discus analog."

Gendo blinked, before blinking again. Rei blinked back. The other pilots watched Rei and Gendo stare back and forth at each other, while Fuyutsuki hid a grin behind his gloved hand.

"… Very well. You are all dismissed." The four pilots got up and headed out. With the closed door, Gendo sighed deeply, while Fuyutsuki let go of his chuckle.

"So Ikari, what are you going to do in regards to this 'incident'? Think the old men won't be amused?" The former college professor asked, still grinning. Gendo groaned.

"I'd be more disturbed if they were…"

****

OMAKE 04: Punishment - Part 2

Starring the lovable members of SEELE

Elsewhere, the twelve members of SEELE reviewed the footage of the latest 'battle' between NERV and the Angels.

"_Ayanami, pass me the Frisbee!" _Unit 00 brought the Stargate back in it's powerful right arm, and threw it at Unit 04. The spinning gateway to the stars overshot the American Eva's outstretched hands, before ramming with an audible _crunch_ into the bright red core of the Angel, which had been sneaking up behind the four Evas while they had enjoyed their game.

"_… Uh… My bad?" _Offered the pilot of 04.

"_I was the one who threw the discus, Pilot O'Neill. I believe it would be my bad, in this case," _responded Unit 00's pilot.

"Feh. Wondergirl never does do anything right, unless she's ordered to," scoffed the pilot of Unit 02.

"_Hey! Don't talk about her that way!"_ Argued Unit 01's pilot, which produced a laugh from 04.

"_Aw, isn't that sweet… Shinji, sticking up for his girlfriend._" Stammering ensued from 01.

"_She-She's not my girlfriend!"_

"_Denial is not a river in Egypt, Shinji,_" observed 04's pilot.

"_… What?"_

"_It means you're obvious, baka! You've got the hots for Wonderdoll! It's all over your face!"_ Cackled the Second Child.

__

"It-It is not! Shut up!"

"_Oh, so cute-He's blushing! Hey Red? Help me out here… Ahem. Shinji and Rei, sitting in a tree-" _Began the Fourth Child.

"_K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"_ Answered the Second.

"_Agh! Shut up! Quit it!"_

"_First comes love, then comes marriage," _continued the Fourth and Second Children, "_then comes Shinji with the baby carriage!"_ Unit 01 began to chase Unit 02 and 04, as the pilots of those Evas laughed and continued singing.

"_Hey! Quit it! It's not true! Ayanami, help me out here!"_

Ayanami made no response, but the live feed from her cockpit as her Eva pulled the Stargate from the Angel's core revealed the unthinkable-She was blushing with a small smile on her face, obviously thinking no one could see.

The SEELE members finally lost the battle against their laughter, breaking out into snickers, chuckles, and giggles at the extremely odd spectacle they'd just witnessed.

"It appears… That the scenarios will have to be modified somewhat from now on," SEELE 01 noted after getting his giggles under control.

"Bah… Let them have their fun. It's been a while since I had something to laugh at…" SEELE 03 scoffed.

"Hey. Haven't the pilots entered the locker rooms now?" Asked SEELE 05.

"FOOL! SWITCH TO LIVE FEED!" Ordered SEELE 01. Which locker room they were watching was anyone's guess…


	8. Announcement

Dear fans of Stargate: Evangelion;

I regretfully announce that this story is dead and will not be updated in the future. Trust me, I'm as bummed about it as you are, but my muse is not budging on this issue and I thought you guys deserved being told this rather than hanging on for another year of no updates. However, I do intend at some point to write a full length Evangelion/Stargate crossover story, as no one else has and the concept has a lot of potential. So check out my other stories, read and review them, tell me if they suck or not, and possibly even continue where I failed and try to write your own version of this story. I'd be honored to know that while my story petered out, the concept did not die with it.

Sincerely,

Andrew J. Talon 


End file.
